Mindset Tools To Help Parents Grow Forward with Their Exceptional Child

Episode Transcript

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

Hi everyone, welcome to the show, I am Dr. Nicole, and on today’s episode, we’re talking about how our mindset can help us show up as better parents for our kids, especially when we have a child with special needs. Research has shown over and over again that one of the most important factors in a child progressing is the attitude and the emotions that the parents have about the child, about their relationship with their child and about what the future may hold. And I get that it can be really tough to maintain a positive outlook, to be resilient, to have this more growth-focused mindset when you’re in the midst of very real moment-to-moment challenges and struggles with your kids. My guest today is Dr. Stacy Thomas, and she’s going to help us think about how we can use mindset tools to grow forward and develop greater resilience, even when we’re struggling. Let me tell you a little bit about Dr. Stacy. 

She is a Clinical Psychologist, the CEO and Clinical Director of The Design Your Life Centre, a psychology practice in Toronto, Canada. With about 20 years experience helping people navigate some of life’s most difficult journeys, Dr. Stacy’s strength is in her ability to recognize resilience and teach people how to apply proven psychological strategies in order to move past mere survival and really thrive in the face of adversity. Her work with clients seamlessly interweaves Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness Practices, Mental Skills for High Performance, and Clinical Hypnosis, with a keen understanding of the limiting life patterns that need to be broken in order for us to break free and truly show up as our authentic selves.

Her mission to democratize mental health motivated her to create The Growing Forward Journal, and The Growing Forward Soul School, an online community focused on helping people grow consciously through whatever life brings. She has also been the host of several online summits for Mindful World, including the Mindful World Parenting Summit, which has reached a global audience of 200,000 households to date.

Stacy, such a pleasure to have you with us today.

Dr. Stacy Thomas

Thank you so much for having me, Dr. Nicole. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

So this is interesting because our roles have been reversed now a few times with you interviewing me, so I’m excited to have the opportunity to interview you, and for you to share the amazing things that you focus on with my audience. So I’d like to start by just having you share a bit about your journey. How did you come to be focused on the type of work that you’re doing today? 

Dr. Stacy Thomas 

Well, I think that journey began on a very personal level. I used to believe it was because of my intrigue with the mind-body connection and how cool psychology is and how much our minds are involved with the body. I did a lot of training and found myself attracted to people with chronic pain. Why this, right? It was the story I told myself for a long time was about that mind-body connection and how much these tools can leverage and actually shift the pain pattern within people, without medication. This is really the mind’s power. And then, as you might know, as you do your training, you do your own inner work along the way, and I discovered the real deep reason I was attracted to chronic pain and chronic illness was that I had a caregiver in my life who lived with my family who had chronic asthma and actually died in my family home when I was a child. It was this dynamic and illness and attention and pain that was part of — I realized that I was working out my own journey of understanding as I chose this path of chronic pain and chronic illness. So I share that because there’s always a deeper story. There’s always a deeper story for all of us, and we’re all on our own little journey and find interesting ways of finding solutions in our lives. As I travelled through that journey and worked with clients with the most horrendous life circumstances. People who had an accident — life was one way and it’s very different the next, and their roles, the way they were showing up and all their roles, all their expectations just gone in a moment. 

This conversation that I was able to have with — not every client, but the clients that were ready, was really interesting. Because when life is not as you expect, and particularly when you are not able to show up in the role that you thought was who you were, we get the opportunity to understand exactly who we were. What is the foundation? Who are you exactly? Are you just that role? That worker, that mother? Are you even bigger than that? The pain or the illness actually forces us to look at those questions. So for people who were really interested and ready for that, what really unfolded was miraculous, where people’s pain problems were starting to get better. Their relationships and how they were showing up and expanding, they expanded at the worst times in their lives. These clients were the ones who taught me — I’m talking about 20 years of working with people who the medical system doesn’t know what to do with, they’re like, “Please take these people because we can’t help them.” 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

“It’s a psychological problem, go see a mental health provider.” 

Dr. Stacy Thomas 

Yeah, exactly! But what we discovered was the pain forced them to do what they weren’t able to do before. And often, it requires — this is the ironic thing about chronic pain or chronic illness: It requires us to listen. To actually learn to listen to what’s true for you in the moment, which is not necessarily convenient for everybody else. So there is a whole skillset that needs to be developed. So a lot of wellness, a lot of mental health is really about learning how to listen to this inner wisdom we are all built with. I’m always amazed when I talk to my adult clients about how much they knew of the truth when they were kids. Just the process of being within the systems they’re in, their particular families, their schools, their culture disconnects them from that wisdom. So the typical thing we do when we’re not sure what to do, when it’s an unknown situation is we look through — we google, we do the pros and cons list, we’re in our heads constantly and there is such a lack of trust because we become disconnected from the process of understanding the truth. Most of us have not been raised by caregivers who are really in tune with us and are connecting with us so that we start to become empowered with our inner knowing. 

So I actually see the process of therapy and the process of recovery from anything as getting reconnected with that inner knowing and learning how to listen and understanding what I’m sure you also experienced, is that your clients already know the answer. They really just need to be empowered to step into that reality and they need some tools to help them because growth is hard. So our culture will have this focus on growth, which is constantly building. Constantly just getting stronger, more resilient, without appreciating that growth also involves the breaking down. 

So we understand that in the physical realm. If you go to the gym or workout, you can be within your comfort zone and do something, and it’s okay, it’s like maintenance. But if you actually want to affect a change in the body, you have to take the body to a place where the muscle fibers are going to break down a little, and it’s the rebuilding of that that makes the muscles stronger, right? So when it comes to our emotional or mental health, we certainly go into a different frame of mind when we’re choosing a challenge. So one of the things I’ve done along the way is I don’t only work with people with trauma and chronic pain and these really difficult challenges, but also with the high performers, the people who want to do exceptionally well in their particular sport or as a performing artist. What’s so interesting, what I found with that range of experiences is I am actually teaching similar things, with a bit of a different frame. The athlete and the performer go into this mode of acceptance. They just accept that training is going to be uncomfortable. They don’t question it. They go through the process. The performing artist knows that they need to practice, perhaps it is boring and there is nothing great about that and they have to go through critical feedback. All of these things, they accept it as a part of the process of becoming great. 

When it comes to the challenges we don’t choose — and it makes sense. We initially are going to resist and try to avoid. So this is just our survival brain at play. We didn’t ask for it, we’re not prepared for it and there are all levels of avoidance that happen, denial, distraction. This is all, I would say, part of the grief process. So things are not as we expected, there is something that is breaking down, and often it is those expectations of ourselves, our families, what life is supposed to look like. I say that with a lot of compassion and grace that all of us will initially respond this way. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

I think that’s so true for any parent who finds themselves in a situation where they have a child with any type of challenge or special need, whether that’s medical, whether that’s developmental, whether that’s behavioral or emotional. You said something a few minutes ago that really struck me. You said we have these preconceived ideas about what our role is going to be. Whether we realize it or not, we sort of have this plan in our minds when we become parents, which is really ridiculous. Once you become a parent, you realize how silly it was that you thought you actually can control any of that. At the outset, when you decide to have kids, you sort of have this idea mapped out, this is what our family is going to be like, this is what my kids are going to be like, this is what I’m going to be like as a mother, as a father. And then you have something that happens that’s unexpected. Maybe as you are saying, a challenge that you didn’t choose. A child with some kind of special need, and suddenly for many people, they find themselves really at this point where it’s like “I don’t know what to do with this. I don’t know who I am in this, this is so off the script of what I thought my life is going to be. This is so hard.” So what you’re talking about, I think, really does resonate with parents in that situation.  

Dr. Stacy Thomas 

Right. And quite honestly, this is a journey, a story that is built into our DNA. Carl Jung is a famous psychologist who talks about this, Joseph Campbell is this amazing philosopher and mythologist who studies story across cultures over the ages, and it’s the same story. And this is the same story that you see in every superhero movie. Every story you ever read, consumed in anyway that’s compelling to you, it’s this. Basically, what happens, if you are a parent, you have to watch a ton of kids movies. This is what happens. Right at the beginning, that kid loses. The trauma happens right at the beginning. They lose their parents, their base, something. They’re launched into the unknown. This is what the parents are going through. They had this idea that they were in this ordinary world, and all of a sudden, boom! They’re not in the ordinary world anymore. They have to go on this journey. The journey is going to require them to get support, tools, guides, right? Through the process of this journey, they are learning and uncovering their superpowers. 

Something that was there that needed to be birthed, right? So they come in with these guides and supporters, they walk this journey that is hard, it’s filled — the dragon is there, we need to battle the dragon. And I would conceptualize the dragon in this case, there are so many, but it’s the fears. We have to go forward into fear. But as we go through and we survive, we get stronger and we realize, then we come back. There’s a story of coming back and sharing that. This part of the journey is where we realize: This journey is for us as each individual, but it’s for more than just us. It’s for giving back to whoever is there to receive these gifts as a result of this journey. 

So I really encourage people to see themselves as the hero of this epic journey that they’re on. What we haven’t been good at as a culture is equipping people with the tools and the mindset to really embrace the challenge. It makes a lot of sense, but it’s unfair to say to people, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”, without really recognizing A: How hard it is, B: That we have not educated people on these tools and given them the support. Everyone needs that support to put that in motion and to be awake for the whole journey. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

So true, and this piece about equipping people, I think it’s interesting because when a child has challenges, whether that’s right away from birth or at some point, the focus is so much on the child: What needs to happen with the child, what therapy the child needs to be in, what interventions need to be done for the child. What you’re saying really resonates with me and I hope with a lot of the parents listening: Parents are really the ones needing tools here. It’s not that intervention for kids isn’t important, but the focus so much goes there and what you’re saying just rings so true for me as a clinician as well as a parent myself that we need these tools, to be in a space of coming to terms with this, how do we thrive through this, the support and the tools. 

So I love that and I want to get into that and really have you start to share about — What is the mindset? First of all, for people who aren’t even familiar with that, with this mindset, what are we really talking about? What is the mindset that can help us grow through any of the kinds of adversities or things? Because certainly while the focus of this show is on parents parenting children who have challenges, the reality is that we all have our own challenges, regardless of our kids. Maybe parents listening have their own challenges with some of the things you talked about: Chronic pain, emotional challenges, traumas, things like that. So what is the mindset that can help us move forward through this?

 

Dr. Stacy Thomas 

So, the first one, what I hinted at was the ability to accept and get on board with this notion of growth. We know that this is a growth moment when we are in a reactive state. So in any given situation, there is a little piece that’s about what’s happening right now, objectively and there is a big piece that’s about what we carry from the past. Our unhealed wounds come into all of the present moment situations. So if we’re adopting a growth mindset, the first thing is we have that awareness. So it’s like “This is about this, but it’s also about the other stuff. And if I bring all the other stuff onto this situation, it’s actually muddling it. It’s going to have me make very different decisions than I would have made otherwise, and create more casualties in the process.” 

So the first thing is to know that when we’re in those moments, we want to be going within, and we have to recognize that all of us, given the state of humanity at this time, in which we’ve evolved, we’ve all suffered traumas. They can be a whole bunch of what I called “little traumas”, so being in this scenario where we are not seen or heard. In our child’s minds when we were younger, we put together our understanding of the world and our role in it, how to be. We all come into this world as humans, equipped with these amazing — we’re attachment creatures, so we’re equipped to bond with our caregivers and we’re very well equipped to adapt, unconsciously to whatever is needed to be safe in that environment. So we’ve all created structures, a sense of self, or how to be, that is born from survival. So some of it that’s true of us, and some of it is just “How do we survive this experience and be a part of the group?” 

There’s usually parts of that that don’t actually serve us well. They’ll serve us for a period of time, but at some point, we need to outgrow the whole pattern, and we know that because it’s creating stress, we’re in conflict. We’re in conflict, but it is in ourselves. We really know that this is something we need to do, but we’re afraid of how this person is going to react, what it means for this. So we live in this smaller way, and we can continue to do that for a long time, until we can’t anymore, and something is going to break that. So, we’re all carrying stuff from the past onto this moment, and it’s going to come up in those times of stress or conflict. So what I want people to understand is that this is potentially an opportunity to actually process some of that stuff, to understand the story you’re telling yourself about what that moment means, which is likely not a new story. 

So I’ll give you an example to make it more concrete. I have a few clients, I’m thinking of one client in particular whose child is on the spectrum, a high-functioning autistic child. She’s a single mother who is very successful in her own right, brings a lot of all those success characteristics of being really conscientious, and she has this child who is incredibly smart, incredibly sensitive and doesn’t go with the flow. It puts her into conflict with her job, because he is the love of her life, and she is often having to try to make everybody happy, and she is in tons of stress. She does not matter within the context of this. Now, interestingly, this is not a new pattern. This is somebody who grew up in a family where she was always the most confident one, whose needs were never taken care of, who really found a path to empower others, but really hadn’t created that life for herself. 

So here she is and she comes to see me, and we start focusing on her mattering. We start focusing on recognizing that her child is incredibly sensitive, and it doesn’t matter what you say to him, he knows the truth. So just the process of starting to matter, and conversations starting to orient, there’s the day, the flow of the day, including herself in those conversations changed everything. His behavior started to settle. He became more of a teen. She started to take better care of herself. People were showing up, just out of the blue, interestingly, just the process of someone asking for help, for example, and her taking a moment to think, “I’m not sure, I have to check my schedule,” but something subtle like this because she started to matter, people started showing up as helpers. It was incredible. 

This is the thing, it’s not just limited to that person. All the clients! And often the thing that I’m talking about most of the time is self-compassion. Can you matter within the context of all things? Can you actually become your own best parent who has tons of empathy, tons of compassion, who is able to see yourself as someone who’s evolving as you learn and grow? That you don’t have to be perfect? All of the things that we want to give to our children, they are learning based on what they experience of us. When I have talks with my adult clients, they may have had very caring, giving parents, they’re hugely successful, but they also saw their parents beating themselves up, being really harsh with themselves, and that’s what they internalized, so that’s the pattern that they keep inside for themselves. It’s a little bit different for them, but that is a powerful thing. So this is why parents are the ones. The kids are alright, right? It’s known that they have neurological differences and they require us to really see them, to see their genius, to see their challenges in working in the world that’s the way it is, to come up with interesting solutions that allow us and society to see how much they actually have to give as opposed to saying they’re not normal, right? 

But this requires us to do the same for ourselves, right? So that’s the mindset I want people to really understand, that we have an obligation to our kids, to really reparent ourselves, and that’s what I see the process of therapy as being about, is teaching people how to do this. Now, there needs to be — It’s not about good vibes only. It is really about being who we are. One of the tools that I really advocate for people to use is learning how to journal, and doing it in a way where we set the stage, where there is nothing that’s off-limits, that you can be as rude and as nasty as you need to be. It just needs to get out on the page! Your child is screaming, you want to be able to leave space for saying, okay, just underneath that anger or distress is a really wholesome me. So if it needs to come out in a way that is not polite, it’s okay. No one’s getting hurt. It’s just on paper. But with this mindset of like, okay, do that. 

There are other resiliency practices that we know, science has shown us, really helps get through challenges. So one that many people know about already is gratitude, practicing gratitude. So when I talk about that, it’s like today. Not in general, but what happened today that you’re grateful for? So that’s one. The other one is joy. Practicing joy. What were those little — it can be a tiny, tiny moment of joy like having that shower with the door locked, where nobody was bothering me for 5 minutes. It can be that, okay? The tiniest moment of joy, to note those. And then, confidence. What were the things that I did today that were meaningful, that I felt good about, that I actually did a good job with? So the way I set up the — I put this together in a journal called The Growing Forward Journal. It’s free for people online, so you can download it and just follow the format, it works like this: On everyday, we do those three things. So we have space to write whatever we need to write, and just note these three moments. Somedays, there might not be three, there might be one. The idea is we do that everyday because our brains are an amazing search engine. when you plant a seed on what to look for, you find it. So this process of looking for these things and noting them, highlights them when they’re actually happening. The idea is, this is one of those moments of gratitude, let me lean into this moment right now. So I’m actually very present with it and experiencing it. So this is the balance that allows us to go through. After a period of time, we might choose to look back. So in my journal, it’s 7 days. Let me read all of it, let me notice the growth process that’s happening. What do I notice? Where do I see I’m going? Where do I need to grow? What do I need to do to foster my own growth, to support it? What are the intentional actions I want to take in this next week around this? So I put that together to help people have a guide and a process for themselves, and it’s based on really good science. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

Well, there is really good science behind this. It’s striking me as you’re talking — I’m thinking about two categories of parents, over the course of my career. Parents who sort of dismiss or avoid anything that’s uncomfortable or difficult, so it’s like their focus is always like, “Nope, things are fine, we’re getting through it,” or whatever. Then on the other end, you have the category of parents where all they seem to notice is the negative, right? “This isn’t what I signed up for, everything is terrible and hard, nothing’s ever going to get better.” It strikes me, as I am listening to you talk about this journaling process and what is important, is that that really covers both ends of that spectrum because you’ve got this space and this practice of writing things out, especially the yucky stuff, the things that maybe you wouldn’t acknowledge or say, which is helpful to the people who tend to repress or deny the challenges, who feel like it’s not okay to acknowledge that things are hard, that I feel like I’m struggling. It gives them a space to do that. And then for the people on the other end who only seem to be seeing the negative and the problems, it gives them an opportunity to really spotlight for themselves things that are going well or their choice, or where things are happening positively. I can really see how that simple practice of those three things is so beneficial for every parent, no matter where they are in that. 

Dr. Stacy Thomas

Totally, totally. And what I’d like people to get excited about is: Wow, I am actually leveling up in some ways. Journaling is not a new practice, it’s been — like you said, there have been lots of studies about it. Julia Cameron had a great practice called The Artist’s Way, morning pages is her practice. She is a prolific writer and creator. What she started doing was every morning, writing out 3 pages. My journal is not that long, butte had 3 of these pages, constant, stream of consciousness writing. So I should say that the process is: You just write without editing, without crossing out, just keep that pen or pencil moving. She did this as a routine, first thing in the morning. What she found was, and her students found the same, was that as much as this stimulated the creative process for her, and that was her intention with it, the pages spoke to her and her students. They told her everything that she needed to do and needed to change. When I look at my own writing, what I find really interesting is that voice that comes through is far more clear, far more direct, even if it’s work in circles, it’s kind of meandering: There is an insight and a clarity that comes from that. I start to see and uncover so much of my own journey that I can stand back from and gain perspective on. 

That’s what I think the gift of language is among humans, is that it allows us — it really makes poets out of all of us. There are some experiences: The process of finding the words and the process of slowing down enough to put it into a physical form — and then we can look at it and we can do something with it. The benefits — Pennebaker is really a famous researcher who looked at expressive writing and the impact, and every indicator of physical health improves when people do this. They haven’t necessarily identified exactly why, but I have to think it’s because of this emotional energy that we store in our bodies, giving it an outlet and processing it. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

Well, what we know from neuroscience research now is when we connect language, whether that’s written or spoken, when we connect that to our emotional experiences, it allows the brain to make sense of it and process it in a way that we can move through it. So often, we just stay stuck, spinning in those emotions. Whether we realize it or not, like you said so well earlier, we all have these stories that we tell ourselves, often we’re not consciously even aware of what they are, but they dictate so much about how we view the world, how we view ourselves, and we just stay stuck in those emotions, in those stories. But when we can put words to it, which is part of why therapy is helpful, certainly why journaling is helpful, we can put the language, it integrates those two parts of the brain and slows us to really make sense of that, which is why I think this is such a powerful practice. 

Dr. Stacy Thomas 

It is. And you know what? You start to really care for the inner child that is within all of us. So when I have a moment with my kids — I’ve written about this on my blog too. They are going to challenge us, they are here to challenge us also in this process of growth. When there are those moments when I feel like I’ve done a horrible job as a parent, I’ve made some terrible mistake, I can sit, if I need to cry, if I need to — I can really see the inner kid in me who is really trying her best and I can care for her. If I’m expanding into something that’s scary and new, and I can see my typical ways of creating distractions for myself, getting a little too busy, I can go, “Okay, she is just nervous, and it’s okay! We can move through.” I don’t have to believe all of the stuff, I don’t have to fall for my usual tricks. I see them already, I can even laugh at them. But it is this real practice of creating this space where everything goes and there is nothing here that is going to compromise my regard for myself, my respect for myself, my love for myself. I think of that inner kid. I literally think of me as that little kid with pigtails who is really wanting to please. That’s kind of how I oriented to the world, and I really care for her. This is where we truly embody what it is we want to teach and give to our kids. So it becomes a natural process, and then they learn and pick up on that. Very organic. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

Well, and I think that’s so important for parents to be aware of, because I find, and I’m sure you do as well, a frequent objection to moms, dads, adults spending time on these kinds of things, is “I don’t have time for this”, particularly if a child has significant needs. “My time needs to be spent on my child.” And what you’re saying is no. By taking the few minutes, even, a day, to do this work, to think about this. You are doing something impactful for your children, because we show up better in the world for our kids, we show up as better parents by putting ourselves in the picture. You talked a little bit earlier about that, taking time to care for ourselves. That helps us be better parents. So this idea that “Well, I can’t journal for five minutes, I don’t have time to do that! My kids need me!” That’s sort of an excuse and an avoidance too, right?

Dr. Stacy Thomas

Absolutely. And this is part of — we can have so many reasons to be busy, and often, the business is a defense because we don’t know how to be with ourselves. We have been shamed so much for our emotional experiences that we become fearful. We’ve been convinced that if we go there, we’re going to totally fall apart. So this is the ego that we talk about in more of a wisdom mindset, a mindfulness mindset: The ego rises. So the ego was there, it was created out of survival and it fights for survival. So that will maintain the status quo. This is why people sometimes are blocked, initially, when they start to write, because there is such a defense, a wall that’s been created, again, a part of our survival and being in the world. So this is why we keep it moving, and even if it’s like, “I don’t know why I’m doing this, it’s a waste of time.”, commit to a time period, like 15 minutes. You’re just going to sit there and write. This is something I’ve invited people to do with me on Instagram, actually, every Tuesday morning, 7AM, Eastern Standard Time, and I have people register because sometimes that’s too early for people. That’s fine, life is busy, but the recording is there, and we were using this theme right now of boundaries, because this is the quintessential human dilemma, how do I be me in the context of these other things, right? 

We do that. I set the timer, we start with a brief meditation to get us in this really nice zone where our brain waves are open and relaxed, and we’re more likely to engage with our intuition and our creative minds, and then we have a prompt, this gets us started. We write for 15 minutes. So you can start one way and end up in five different places, but it’s kind of interesting to go back. I go back the next day and I read it, I’m like “Okay, whoa!” And I’m engaging people to come with me. People who are often in the healing profession or not, but they are kind of out there in the world because I believe that all of us need to be doing this. And it is about creating a deeper sense of connection with our deepest selves, which allows us to have that compassion and show up in all our roles, seeing each other more clearly. We have to walk the walk. It’s being the change, it’s all those little saying that we love to like on Instagram. This is what it is. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

Absolutely, and I think so much of what you’re talking about, a lot of these strategies we teach to kids also, and maybe some parents listening are like, “Oh, my child is in therapy, they’ve worked on a gratitude practice or journalling.” Well, here is the thing to understand about that, when we as parents are doing this, our children see that. Whether they physically see us doing it or not isn’t the issue. They see the outcome of that. And when we do some of these practices together as a family, even, of sharing a grateful moment from the day or sharing joys or sometimes we’ll talk about that, share a rose and a thorn or something like that. Those practices that we engage and contemplate as a family have a tremendous impact on children, so if you’re feeling frustrated with your child over issues that they’re having with managing their emotions, their behaviors, managing their difficult life circumstances, know that in adopting and embracing and doing this work yourself, that automatically provides a model and. Support to move your kids forward with those things. 

Dr. Stacy Thomas 

Absolutely, and how beautiful would it be if we all go on board with this notion that we’re all growing and evolving together. Different paths, but a similar process, and that we can be supportive and notice each other: “I notice that! Oh my gosh, we shared that together and we both learned something! You taught me something that I’m keeping, and I was able to give you something that you’re keeping from this.” I think it’s a great, rich, rich conversation, and I think frees us up to really embrace this journey and fall back in love with the process of discovering and being in the world, kind of with a child’s mind. Of course with adult responsibilities, but still maintaining that child’s mind and being able to really appreciate the wonder and beauty of our children, no matter how they came in in an exceptional way, and they are here to teach us just as much as we are here to guide them. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

Love it, love it! Such helpful things to inform our mindset and also some practical tools. I want to make sure that we give people the links where they can get, access the journal that you mentioned and also support in doing the FLOW to GROW practice and those kinds of things. So where can people find this?

 

Dr. Stacy Thomas

So growingforwardjournal.com. Just go right there, click the link and download it. I’ve had some people do some interesting hacks, like cutting out certain pages and putting it in their own journal — whatever you want to do. You can just download it and whether you get it printed or you just follow the format in your own journal, so that’s there for free. The online space where we’re live and having these conversations is on Instagram right now, eventually, there will be its own website, which is being developed, but right now it’s on Instagram, and the handle is @growingforwardsoulschool. And the writing practice that people can register for, you just go to the link in the bio and you can click the link to register, so you’ll get all the recordings for the FLOW to GROW practice, that’s what we call it, we get into this stage of flow, we write, we seal it off with a brief meditation, and then you are always invited to come back, you’ll see me, I share some of the insights that come through for me, my guests share their insights as well. What’s really, really interesting is, if you can make it live, do it live. There is something really special about knowing that other human beings are engaged in this practice with you. When I’ve had the chance to do this in groups live, with sometimes 300 people, we’re sitting there 10 minutes and we’re writing, it’s incredible the power of what comes through when we do share. And even in this online form, which I’m doing for the first time, it’s really interesting. Sometimes me and my guests are coming up with the same insight, which is really interesting, so it’s led me to believe that there is a collective consciousness that really binds us all, that when you get into this state, we dip into it for the wisdom it has for us. So it’s a really powerful experience that I’d love for your listeners to join us in. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens:

Fantastic. I’m going to check it out! I didn’t even know that you had that, so I’m going to check it out, and we’ll make sure to have all the links for those resources and your website with the show notes, so if you’re a listener, you can just easily go there and click and find those. Stacy, I really thank you for taking the time to be with us today. Really lovely, insightful, meaningful practical conversation. I really thank you for being here.

Dr. Stacy Thomas

Thank you so much, Dr. Nicole Beurkens. It’s always a pleasure speaking with you.  

Dr. Nicole Beurkens:

And thanks to all of you for listening, we will catch you back here next week for our next episode of The Better Behavior Show.