Using PLAY (for all ages) to Make Parenting Easier

Episode Transcript

Dr. Nicole Beurkens:

Hi, everyone. Welcome to the show. I’m Dr. Nicole. And on today’s episode, we’re talking about the developmental and relational benefits of play for kids of all ages, and in fact, for us as adults as well. The research shows that kids are playing less than ever before, and it’s really a shame because it’s so critical for their development in all areas. I think it’s also true that parents, in general, are playing less with their kids, especially with all the stresses of the last 18 months. We’re having just less playful interactions and maybe even playing less ourselves in our own lives. This has an impact on our relationship with our kids. The reality is that bringing some playfulness into the mix actually can make managing behaviors and dealing with challenges easier. So to talk with us all about play, how we can embed more of this into our lives and our kids’ lives, I’ve invited Sarah Moore on the show today. Let me tell you a bit about her.

She is the founder of Dandelion Seeds, Positive Parenting. She is a certified Gentle Parenting Coach and has worked directly with some of the world’s most respected psychologists, neuroscientists, researchers and advocates for children. She also graduated from improvisational comedy school — that may be a first for this show, that’s awesome! She is an expert on play, a regular contributor to international parenting magazines, she’s a frequent guest on podcasts and parenting summits. She’s also the editor for Pregnancy Magazine and a master trainer for The Jai Institute for Parenting. She is working on writing a book that will be released this year, which is very exciting! Sarah, welcome to the show. Thank you for being here.

Sarah Moore:

Thank you, I’m excited to be here! 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

So this topic of play: I know there may be some people who are like, “Oh, this is exciting!”, and other people who are like, “Oh, I’m not good at playing. One more thing to think about!” Before we really get into why this is important and how we can do this, let’s even just start out by defining play. When we say play, in your mind, what are we really talking about here? 

Sarah Moore: 

I am so glad you asked that because so many of us, particularly the grownups in the room, have an aversion to play. We feel uncomfortable with it, we feel like we’re awkward when we do it, and it’s really important to reframe play as anything at all that brings you joy. If it makes you happy, it’s play! Your version of play might be reading a book. Your version of play might be going for a bike ride through the woods. Whatever brings you joy, it’s play. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

That is such an important reframe and way for people to think about it, because I think when we start talking about play, particularly playing with kids, people think “Oh, I have to come home from work and get down on the floor and do Lego’s or pretend-play”, and really what we’re talking about is much broader than that for our kids and for us. It’s anything that brings joy. I love that definition of it. 

Sarah Moore: 

Thank you so much, and let me go on record in saying — not so much saying as confessing: I’m a Lego hater. I love the concept, but in reality, I’m not a Lego person. So if you are like me, you’re my people. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

Yeah, I think that’s so great. I remember the days sometimes with my kids of just even the guilt when they were little of “Oh, I don’t want to get the cars out one more time!” It can sometimes feel like a burden and then we feel guilty, so I love this idea of thinking about play much more broadly for us and for them, and that just makes it a lot more feasible to think about how we might incorporate more of that. So I’m really glad that we started there because I think everybody’s going, “Oh, okay. I can do this. I’m open to thinking more about this.” 

Sarah Moore: 

Excellent.

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

So. Kids love play. Well, I should say most kids love play. Obviously there are some kids with neurodevelopmental issues or trauma or challenges for who play may not come naturally to them. Most kids do like to play. It’s important for brain development, right? Let’s talk about that next, in terms of setting the stage for why we want to be doing more of this. What role does play have in our kids’ development?

Sarah Moore: 

Absolutely. We can address this from a number of different angles, the first of which is to your point: Yes. Play is the language of childhood. It is the work of childhood as we have heard quoted many times throughout our lives. It is the primary, if not the only way young children learn. They have a whole entire world that is new to them. So there is a very, very, very blurry line between fantasy and reality for them, and the more they can practice playing and experiencing the world in ways that feel emotionally safe to them, the more comfortable, the more competent, the more able they are to grow their executive function skills, and that’s all about what happens in the prefrontal cortex at the front of the brain that does not fully develop until they’re about 25 years old, but when they practice through play, they can work through scenarios in ways that are emotionally and logistically safe to them so that they can help grow that area and make better decisions, get along better with others, and socially adapt in ways that are going to behove them in their development, rather than cutting that off from them, that is something that will hold them back. Likewise, we know that from all of us, from the teeniest, tiniest humans, all the way up until we keel over a hundred years old or somewhere in between, play lowers stress. Play lowers our cortisol levels. When we have lower cortisol levels, we have less inflammation, we have fewer health issues. Our bodies can assimilate the world around them better, because our bodies are more primed to thrive. So regardless of age, when we do something that brings us joy, we end up with a healthier body.

And when we are feeling better, guess what? We behave better. So it really, really benefits the parents or the caregiver, even if they feel like, ”Oh, play is hard.” Guess what? Conflict is harder. So if we can find playful ways to interact with our children, and parents from a place of connection, everybody wins.

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

I love that. It’s so true. The developmental piece of it, as you said, play provides kids with sort of a practice arena, a practice stage for all of these things, and when you watch young, typically-developing kids play, you can see that process happening, right? 

It’s an avenue for practicing with language and communication skills. It’s a practice and training ground for cognitive skills, for those executive functions, for problem solving, for, as you mentioned, the relational interacting. And you’ll watch kids, as they’re playing either by themselves or with others, too can sort of watch that practice happening, It’s pretty cool. 

Sarah Moore: 

Absolutely, yes. Only benefits come from play.

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

Yeah, and I’m glad you touched on the physical health benefits too, because I think so often we think of play, the word play, just as related to kids, and we think of it as, “Oh, that’s just the thing that kids do. That’s the fun thing they do because they’re not working yet or they’re not in school yet, or doing real life things yet”, but what you’re talking about is that this idea of play really has a critical role for all of us, for not only our brain function and our emotional health, but our physical health. And I think that’s a piece that lots of people aren’t aware of, so I’m glad you raised that.

Sarah Moore:

Absolutely.

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

So you sort of started to touch on this idea of play as being connection-based and that being helpful with our kids, that conflict is harder. I want to dive into that here because you really have a firm position that play makes our parenting easier, and that by committing to engaging in play activities for ourselves, with our kids, we’re actually doing something important for us as parents and making things easier. I’d love to have you talk about that.

Sarah Moore: 

Sure. Absolutely. When we take a connection based, play-based approach with our children, our children feel more secure. We know from the brilliant work of Dr. Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson that secure attachment comes from being seen, safe, secure, and soothed. Those are the Four S’s of Secure Attachment. When we play with our children. We basically check off all those boxes, just by virtue of entering their world. They feel seen and they say, “Hey, my big person gets me.” They feel soothed because play is calming to their nervous systems. They feel secure and safe because play is the safe way where they can engage with the world and with their environment in ways that are non-threatening to them. So just by virtue of playing with our children, we contribute to their secure attachment with us. Now in very practical day-to-day terms, when our child has a secure attachment with us, and when we do with them and with ourselves as well, because secure attachment does not end at any certain age, this is an ongoing life goal that we can all continue working towards, we all get along better. We want to do well for one another. Our base at the beginning of every day is going to be connection rather than conflict, and when we approach our children, that helps them feel seen, soothed, safe and secure. Through play, they feel like “My big person gets me. My big person knows what it’s like to be in my world, and guess what? This is more fun for me, and when it’s more fun for me, I naturally want to cooperate. I naturally want to get along with my big person.” Well, guess what? When a big person has a little person who wants to get along with them, we have to do a whole lot less nagging, cajoling, pressuring, all the things that are really not fun for anybody, for us or for them, and we simply want to do well for one another. I can share a really short example because it sometimes helps to solidify things for people, one that I often go to is: Let’s say it’s time to get out the door, and we see a child who is having fun playing their game, doing their thing, moving the car or whatever it might be, and the adult is standing at the doorway, holding the child’s backpack saying, “Come on, it’s time to go”, and the adult is getting stressed. Well if the adult starts yelling, starts nagging, starts doing any of the things that we are genuinely tempted to do because our stress levels are going up, the child will biologically enter a safety mode. Where do they feel safe? They feel safe in their play. Well, guess what’s happened? This beautiful little cocoon of play that they’ve just built around themselves makes it really hard for the adult, the angry adult to penetrate, and cooperation becomes really, really tricky. Now the alternative to that scenario is let’s say, instead of the adult getting frustrated and grabbing the backpack and yelling, the adult puts down the backpack, walks over to the child, if the child is receptive to physical touch, the adult might rub the child’s back and say, “Hey, I see you’re playing with your cars here. Let’s have a race. I’ll take the red car, you take the green car, let’s have a car race all the way to the door” You might get an adult crawling on her hands and knees to the door, but the next thing you know, you’ve got two have humans at the door where the backpack is waiting, and you’ve got a happy child at your side, and it’s much easier to get out that door in that scenario than in the former scenario that I just described. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

It’s a great example, and it’s a practical one that so many parents can relate to, and really just a different way of thinking about and approaching those situations more from the standpoint of “How can I connect to accomplish what needs to happen?”, as opposed to getting into a power struggle or conflict over it. So I think that’s great. As you’re talking about this, one of the things that’s coming to my mind is this idea of making sure that we’re filling a child’s cup throughout the day with positive, connected trust-building experiences and moments with us, so that when we do need to set an uncomfortable boundary, or when a challenge or a conflict does arise, we have something to draw from, right? We have filled their cup throughout the day with all of these positive trust-building, engaged moments and interactions, which then helps to balance out when there are moments of conflict, and I think what happens in a lot of families is they’re not filling the cup. So they’re trying to draw from an empty cup when you have to set boundaries, when there are conflicts, when you need to maybe have a limit, or the child is distressed about something. You’re trying to navigate that from the standpoint of them having an empty cup, as opposed to having a cup that has been filled with these things, and then it does make those challenging moments go a lot easier. 

Sarah Moore:

Absolutely. And I’m really glad you mentioned that because there’s a very, very common misconception that parenting or a connection is really hard work, and it takes a ton of time, and it’s exhausting and we just don’t want it. Well, here’s the reality: Connection doesn’t take a whole lot of time. What it takes is focus. We live in a chronically-distracted world right now. And if we can take the time to say, “You know what? I’m not going to need a lot of time, but what I do need to do is I need to put my device down. Maybe I’m stuck on my phone a lot of the time. Maybe I need to put my phone down for 15 minutes at the beginning of the day, and focus only on my child for those 15 minutes. That’s according to research: All it takes to help fill that child’s cup that you just described, where the child feels like “At least at one point today, I was my big person’s world. They took delight in me, and I in them”, and from this point to exactly what you said: Everybody feels more connected and we naturally want to do better for each other. It’s this constant distraction, this constant multitasking that is the biggest culprit, and if we can just quell that for short periods of time, and really authentically check in with our children, everybody’s happier, and when everybody’s happier, this connection-based parenting really is a much easier route than one where you just wonder “When’s it going to blow?”, and it doesn’t have to be that way. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens: 

Yeah, and I want to point out too: We’re talking about this from the standpoint of the parenting or the child raising perspective. I also want to point out for those of you who are professionals listening, all of my wonderful teachers and educators, therapists, medical professionals who listen to the show: This applies to our work with kids as well, in terms of making sure that there are these moments of connections within our therapy sessions, within the classroom during the day. I’ve seen miraculous things happen with really challenging kids when even one adult in the school environment takes some moments to fill their cup, to have this connection, to as you said, take delight in them, to build them up, to have a playful interaction. Boy, does that go such a long way. So I just want to point out that this isn’t just relevant to what goes on in our homes with our children, but it’s really relevant to anybody who’s interacting and doing things with kids. 

Sarah Moore:

Absolutely. I’m really glad you mentioned that. It takes exactly one big person to show up in the life of a small person to make that small person feel worthwhile.

Dr. Nicole Beurkens:

Oh, I love that. That’s great. That’s like the takeaway quote of the day here. So I want to give people some examples, because I know there are people thinking, “Okay. So I get this: Play is about anything that brings us joy. You gave a great example of the cars and getting to the door. Can you talk about — just for people who really want to concretely know, so what does this look like? What kinds of things would we be doing, or what would it mean to embed more play? And then as part of that, I want us to also touch on what if it’s a big person who is like, “I don’t naturally think about or do any of that”? So let’s delve into that next. 

Sarah Moore:

Sure. Absolutely. I love that question and I can actually address both parts of it with the same answer: Play is not about us coming into the room and being hilarious. Play has nothing to do with what we’ve seen on Pinterest or some incredible craft that we have devised from who knows where. It is not nearly that hard. All we need to do is pay attention to what our child is doing in that moment, and if they are delighting in it, if they are enjoying it, join them in that play, at that moment. If it’s a little kid who’s playing with cars on the floor, sit your body down and start driving something. That’s all that child needs to feel like “Oh, my big person sees me and feels me. They get me. My life is beautiful.” For an older child, it might be, and I realize this is a controversial one, but it might be instead of harping on the child “You’re playing too many video games, put that device away. I’m so sick of you being online all the time.” What if one day you sat down next to them and said, “Hey, what is that red character doing over there? Can you show me how to do this?” And then guess what? They get to be our tutor. They get to watch us live our little characters life in 10 second increments while they teach us how not to die on the screen, and suddenly we are showing them: What you’re doing, I get it, and I’m trying to understand what you do”, because as I try to understand what you do, the child perceives that as “I see my big person trying to understand who I am” This is all play, this is all connection, and when these children feel this, there is joy, there is mutual delight. And I keep saying this delight word, it is at the core of attachment science. This was not just a random, happy word that I pulled out of the sky today. When we delight in one another, that is where a secure attachment ultimately comes from, and that is a lifelong gift. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens:

Absolutely. And I want us then to touch on how important this is for people who are raising kids with significant, maybe mental health challenges, significant trauma histories, significant neurodevelopmental issues, because kids with these challenges, particularly if what comes along with that is outwardly quite a lot of challenging behaviors to deal with over the course of the day. The experience of so many of these kids is being told they’re wrong, being harped on about things, being redirected, basically negative, negative, negative, negative interactions with big people all day long. And even the things that they may delight in — I’m thinking about kids on the autism spectrum, who have maybe some, what might be considered rigid interests or some perseverative behaviors with items or things that they may take delight in so often, adults are looking at it as ‘Stop that don’t do that,” and what occurs to me as you’re talking about this, and it’s something that I’ve worked on with parents for years is that can be an essential opening and starting point for joining into those patterns, those routines, those things that they are interested in and delighting in that can often be a key way to come into their world and start to build a trusting, engaged sort of mutual relationship. And so I think for those of you who are like, “Well those are great examples that you’re giving me, but that doesn’t really apply.” No, this applies to everybody, even the most significantly impacted kids who have really significant challenges. I love what you’re talking about: Joining them in what brings them delight as a foundation for building relationship. 

Sarah Moore:

Absolutely. And like I said, this is not about us having to bring something in that we don’t have within us. This is not about creating more work for ourselves. This is not about, “Oh, I don’t like to play it too hard,” Just join them. Give them a yes, give their nervous system a “yes”, because to your point, all of those no’s, they add up on a cellular level and no one can thrive under that context. So when we can give them some “yes”’s, that’s incredibly encouraging for them and for the entire relationship. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens:

Yeah. And I think for some kids that might look like engaging in physical activity with them. I’m thinking of some examples in that realm: If they like to jump on the trampoline, doing that with them, or going for a walk. Really, the way that you’re talking about this and defining this idea of play, the sky’s the limit in terms of the things that we might do together to sort of meet this goal, right? 

Sarah Moore:

Absolutely. Yeah. So that’s why it has no expiration date. That’s why we, even as adults, as you mentioned, many of us have stopped playing. Well guess what? Many of us have also lost our joy in life along the way, and play is one of the key ways that we start to get some joy back. We do what makes us feel good, without shame, without reservation, simply do that thing. I hear a lot of parents say, “Well, I don’t have time.” You know what? Then make it small. Give yourself five minutes today. It doesn’t have to mean five minutes away from your child. Five minutes of anything at all that just makes you feel good. You’re already helping your body, you’re helping your relationship with yourself and with everybody around you.

Dr. Nicole Beurkens:

It’s true because when we are totally stressed out, totally aggravated all the time, when we don’t feel any joy within ourselves or our lives, it’s pretty challenging to bring any kind of positive attitude or joy into our relationship and our engagement with our kids, right? 

Sarah Moore:

Absolutely. Yeah, I had one of those days yesterday. I hadn’t slept well, I was not at my parenting high. And you know the first thing my daughter said to me? She said, “Mommy, play. You’re not playing”, Oh, thank you so much for this reminder. Not only for you, but for me too, and did I do it perfectly? No. Yesterday, again, was not a better parenting day, but just having it in my consciousness, “This is the antidote to all of this yuckiness that I’m feeling”, and I know that once I do engage in something joyful, everybody is better. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens:

So true. Now I’m thinking about — You gave a great example several minutes ago about getting out the door, which can be a time of conflict, of power struggle, or whatever. You said “Here’s a way, an example of a way to embed some play into this.” I know that maybe some parents are thinking, “Okay, yeah, I get that. But do I have to try to turn everything into a game? Are there times when play isn’t the appropriate response? Maybe times that we shouldn’t use it?” Because I do know that sometimes parents get into this mode of feeling like they need to make everything fun. Like there can never be uncomfortable moments and that’s too far the other way, right? So can you talk a little bit about that balance?

Sarah Moore:

Yeah, absolutely. One thing I often say is you should never play when you are playing through gritted teeth. It’s not authentic. Our kids pick up on it. It is going to backfire horrendously if we pretend to be something that we’re just not feeling in that moment. Likewise, if our child is highly, highly dysregulated, that’s not the time to bring in play either. This is the time for co-regulation. When we co-regulate —  and there are lots of ways to co-regulate, some children and some adults co-regulate through reading togethers. Some engage in gentle playful wrestling together. Others go out and spend time in nature. There are infinite ways to co-regulate and all that fancy word really means is you calm down your nervous systems mutually together, and then once you are reconnected to yourself and to the other, then you can exhale and then you can get racked back into play mode. Now, if you have a day when you’re not feeling it, you can perfectly well go to your child and say, “You know what? I’m struggling today.” Model authenticity, because that is the best thing your child can see you do in the moment. If you fake it, your child will learn “Well, when I’m upset, I need to fake it.” That’s not a win for anybody. So if we make play our default when we are feeling good, when we are feeling connected, that can be most of our time, that’s our foundation, but then some of the time is the rough stuff. Those are the days when you say, “You know what baby? I’m not feeling it today” and our children are wonderful at giving us grace for those moments, because we’re showing them how to be human. So you don’t have to fake it. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens:

That’s so important because I think sometimes with the best intentions, adults do model sort of that fake it, or do it through gritted teeth and you’re right, kids, and I don’t care what their degree of impairment or anything, they pick up on it and they know. So I think those are some really helpful things that you shared around that. What I’ve seen too, is some parents who are naturally just more playful or joking around or whatever, they don’t realize that that can backfire in the midst of a child being really dysregulated, because if we have a kiddo who’s getting really worked up, really upset, really anxious, whatever it is that they’re feeling, and they’re sort of escalating, when we try to engage with them in that sort of funny, joking, playful way, that can actually pour some fuel on the fire because what I see is that: Number one, they feel like they’re not being seen for what’s going on. It’s like, “I’m really having a difficult time or I’m really upset about this and you’re kind of joking about it or making light of it”, so it can feel like a disconnect there. But I think also for some kids, especially if they have neurodevelopmental kinds of issues, it adds more now into the mix that they have to try to process and make sense of, and they’re already totally overwhelmed. And so putting those kinds of approaches into the mix of those challenging, overwhelmed moments can often backfire.

Sarah Moore:

Yeah, absolutely. Just like it went for us as big people. If I were standing in the kitchen, livid about something, and my husband walked in and decided to make a joke about it, It wouldn’t end well for him. It would not be what anybody would want to see. Don’t show that on TV, right? So the same is true for our children. You just said the magic word: Seen. As I mentioned earlier, it’s one of the Four S’s of Secure Attachment, and our children desperately need to see them where they are moment to moment. Nobody knows our kids better than we do. Trust your intuition about when it’s safe to play, and if it feels like, “I don’t think I should do this”, don’t. Connect first. You can always play later, but connection has to be the foundation of all the rest of it. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens:

Yeah, so good. Another thing that’s coming up for me that I think maybe is on some of our listeners minds is “Okay, I’ve got more than one child.” Maybe some of our listeners have many kids and it’s like, “Oh, help me think about how to embed this. I want to have these sort of moments of some one-on-one connection, but inherently when I try to do something just with this one, now this one over here is like wanting my attention.” Just in your experience, working with families and kids: Thoughts or suggestions for people around navigating multiple little people in the mix with play and connection kind of stuff.

Sarah Moore:

Absolutely. Yeah. That is a very, very common topic that comes up, because certainly most of us don’t have just one child to manage most of the time. It’s usually much more chaotic than that. So in reality, what we often do as adults is we forget how much children of all ages enjoy levity. Now the game, in very loose terms, might look different based on the child’s developmental stage, but why don’t I go back to the example I shared earlier with going out the door? Let’s say I’m the adult, and suddenly I’ve got three kids. Maybe I have a 12 year-old, an 8 year-old and a 5 year-old old. So a pretty broad age range as well. I can say when it’s time to get out the door. “Hey, 12 year-old, it’s time for us to go. I’m going to need your help with this”, because particularly for bigger kids, they love to help. They love to lead, they love to feel empowered. We all do, right? You can say to your 12 year-old, “Hey, we’re going. What do you think? Should we do a space theme today or a royalty theme? You choose the theme for the day.” And they might say, “Okay, let’s do a space theme today.” “Alright. So can you get your brother and your sister engaged in the space theme?” And you will likely hear the 12 year-old saying, “Okay. 8 year-old, grab your space jetpack!”, which is really the backpack here, it’s your jetpack. “Put on your jetpack! 5 year-old, put on your moonboots!” And next thing you know, you’re using language — this could be you or the 12 year-old, but I’m engaging the 12 year old, because again, that’s a great age that loves to lead, you can engage everybody in the world that you are creating for that micro moment, and every single one of those children is going to fit into their role. That 8 year-old is going to love strapping on that jetpack and blasting off to the car or the school bus or whatever it is. The 6 year-old is probably taking giant steps in their moonboots, and you haven’t said or done much at all, other than outsource, in this case, to the 12 year-old, “Which theme should we choose?”, and suddenly you’ve got everybody playfully cooperating because it’s just more fun to exist that way.

Dr. Nicole Beurkens:

Yeah. It’s a great example. Do you find that there are times, particularly if there are one or more kids in the mix with some challenges, that it can be helpful to intentionally put some separation? To say, “Okay, you’re going to go play for a bit or read for a bit. You’re going to do some of this by yourself and I’m going to spend some time with you and then everybody’s going to get their turn.”? I think that sometimes, especially as a mom of four, I have found it really helpful, especially when my kids were younger to just sort of divide and conquer it, and to talk honestly, like you were saying just a few minutes ago about being honest, like “There’s only one of me. I want to spend time with each of you, but this is how this is going to work.” I think sometimes just communicating in an honest way about that can be helpful. 

Sarah Moore:

Yeah, without a doubt. Many of us falsely believe that we need to be the walking, singing, dancing, entertainment system for the whole entire family. It’s definitely not the case. It is healthy for all of us, children included, to have downtime and have alone time. And the more we can raise children who feel comfortable in their own company, the less they’ll have to deal with issues of loneliness and isolation when they get older, because they’re not always going to live in this big, happy family. So the more we can help kids be comfortable in their own skin, by practicing in these micro-moments, as I call them, while you have special time with a totally separate child, everybody benefits from that, and everybody knows they’re going to get their special time with mommy, daddy, caregiver, whoever it may be. Everybody then can cherish that time and feel seen for who they are as an individual, rather than being one part of the whole sum of people in the house. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens:

Yeah, it’s so true, and it makes it feel much more doable because I know, to your point, there are parents who feel like they are only being a good parent if they are like a cruise ship director all day long, keeping everybody happy and managing everybody. That’s not realistic, and while you may feel like you’re bringing a lot of play and fun into the day, ultimately you’re burning yourself out and it kind of just gets overwhelming for everybody, right?

Sarah Moore:

Oh, yeah. I would be grouchy if I had to do that everyday.

Dr. Nicole Beurkens:

That’s right! As we wrap up here, I’d love for you to just leave people with a parting thought. If there was a takeaway, something that you want people to take from this conversation and apply maybe in their own life, five minutes from now, or tomorrow or whatever, around this idea of play, what would that be?

Sarah Moore:

Yeah. Let’s see. First of all, I would say all of life we tend to take so seriously these days, especially when we have been bombarded with so much negativity, so many hard things. We’re all plenty resilient now, right? We’ve met our quota for resilience. Take time to just feel lighthearted. Take yourself less seriously, take the problems less seriously. I often, when I’m feeling down, I ask myself, what would my problem look like from outer space right now? And guess what? It is teeny, tiny when I take that perspective, and when I remember that, yes, even though my struggles are real, they are valid in the grand scheme of life, I can probably let a lot go, and I can choose to be intentional about the vibe that I bring into my family, and I want us all collectively to just enjoy each other, because at the end of the day, I want to have a home where someday my child looks back and says, “I really want to go visit that lady who raised me, my mama, because it was easy to be around her. From there, that’s what motivates me everyday and what I hope people take forward with them. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens:

That’s beautiful and perfect and just speaks to all of us, regardless of where we are, what challenges we’re dealing with, what goals we feel like we or our kids are or are not meeting. At the end of the day, that’s what’s most important. And so I just love that. So many great ideas, so many great takeaways. I want to make sure that people know where they can find out more about your work, what you’re doing, and the resources you have available. 

Sarah Moore:

Absolutely. My website is dandelion-seeds.com. If you put it in without the hyphen, you’ll end up buying dandelion seeds. If you want parenting support, add the hyphen, right? So there I’ve got many courses. I’ve got probably 35 to 40 right now on all sorts of different parenting topics. I have kept them very short and very informal by design, because guess what? Everybody’s busy. I also have experts interviews that for the next couple of months are going to continue to be free to everybody, and I’m speaking with some of the very best parenting and child development experts around the world. So I’m on all the social media, you can find them all at dandelion-seeds.com. 

Dr. Nicole Beurkens:

Great, and I will say, you and I met, I think on Instagram, and you’ve just got great content and support and things that you’re doing there. So I. really want to encourage everybody to go to Sarah’s website, follow her on social media, and check out what she’s doing. Just really awesome conversation, Sarah. Thank you so much for doing the important work that you do, and for taking the time to share with us today.

Sarah Moore:

Thank you so much, Nicole.

Dr. Nicole Beurkens:

And thanks to all of you, as always, for being here and listening. We’ll catch you back here next time for our next episode of The Better Behavior Show.